Propositions in Root Barb
by Kanefan123
Summary: This is a play which I feel would be like The Twightlight Zone if it was funny.


A Proposition in Root Barb  
  
Setting: A coffee shop. There is a couple(Susan and Bill) sitting at one table, and an empty table with two seats on the other end of the stage. The Man is reading a newspaper and the woman reading a few loose-leaf papers. Another couple (Derek and Claudia) walks in and sits down at the open table.  
  
Derek: Honey I have asked you here for one reason and one reason only.  
  
Claudia: Really? What's going on Derek?  
  
Derek: How long have we been going out for?  
  
Claudia: Why we've been going out for 4 years today (Shoots a playful smil)e  
  
Derek: And Claudia, do you remember our first date?  
  
Claudia: How could I forget? We were in this very café. I ordered a coffee and you ordered just a root barb. We sat looking at each other. Our eyes entwined; locked in a vast sea of love.  
  
Derek: I'm glad you remembered. I've waited so long for a moment like this you know.   
  
Claudia: Really?  
  
Derek: Yes  
  
Claudia: Yeah?  
  
Derek: (Playfully impatient) Yes really.  
  
Claudia: So are you going to ask what I think you are?  
  
Derek: I hope I'm thinking about what you think I am.  
  
Claudia: I KNOW I'm thinking about what you think I'm thinking about.   
  
Derek: (Pause in confusion.) Well it seems like you've out thunk me. What were we talking about again.  
  
Claudia: (Gets angrilly impatient) What you were thinking about.  
  
Derek: Ahh yes, (determined) I've thought long and hard  
  
Claudia: Yeeees  
  
Derek: And I have decided  
  
Claudia: Yeeeeeeeees  
  
Derek: I'd like to switch to an electric razor.  
  
Susan: (Looks at paper) That's it?!  
  
Claudia: (Pist) That's it?!  
  
Susan: (Now erases and re-writes paper) That's not going to work at all.  
  
Claudia: You mean to tell me you asked me on this romantic dinner to tell me that you're switching to an electric razor?  
  
Derek: Hmm (looks around) OHHH!!! Right the romantic setting. Honey I have asked you here for one reason and one reason only.  
  
Claudia: (Kind of confused and having a feeling of Déjà vu.) Ooookay (Goes right back to being a bubbly youth)  
  
Derek: How long have we been going out for?  
  
Claudia: (Noticeably impatient but willing to deal with it.) 4 Years Derek.  
  
Derek: And Claudia, do you remember our first date?  
  
Claudia: Right here Derek. I had coffee, you had root barb.  
  
Derek: I'm glad you remembered. I've waited so long for a moment like this you know.   
  
Claudia: Me too, can you get on with your prop… "Big news?"  
  
Derek: Yes  
  
Claudia: (Waiting and making anxious fidgets as if she's expecting something.) Well.  
  
Derek: (Playfully impatient) Yes really.  
  
Claudia: (Full Blown Confusion) What?  
  
Derek: I hope I'm thinking about what you think I am.  
  
Claudia: Derek honey, you're scaring me now.  
  
Derek: (Pause in confusion.) Well it seems like you've out thunk me. What were we talking about again?  
  
Claudia: I don't know if I out thunk you at all, by the looks of things you're pretty thunked out.  
  
Derek: Ahh yes, (determined) I've thought long and hard  
  
Claudia: About scaring me and being all thunked out? Well I'd say you're doing a pretty goods job so far.  
  
Derek: And I have decided…  
  
Claudia: To go into a mental institution?  
  
Derek: What're you talking about?  
  
Claudia: Wait (Thinks…) Don't ever do that again!  
  
Derek: What?  
  
Susan: Yik! What the heck was that? (Erases again.)  
  
Claudia: That thing where all you do is repeat what you had said before. I'm just glad you didn't start talking about the razor again.  
  
Derek: Honey I have asked you here for one reason and one reason only.  
  
Claudia: What are you trying to pull here Derek?  
  
Derek: How long have we been going out for?  
  
Claudia: (Sarcasticaly) Hmmmm since the renaissance.  
  
Derek: And Claudia, do you remember our first date?  
  
Claudia: (Sarcastically) Yeah we shaved a badger. Then we let him loose on a small Japanese city. They're still recovering.  
  
Derek: I'm glad you remembered. (Pause this time and allow Claudia to make a discouraged face toward audience) I've waited so long for a moment like this you know.   
  
Claudia: (Gives blank stare and realizes that Derek is not moving. She stand up walks over to himand makes many motions to try and get his attention. He is frozen) Please look at me Derek.   
  
Derek: (Looks at where Claudia was sitting) Yes  
  
Claudia: AKKK!!!  
  
Derek: (Playfully impatient) Yes really.  
  
Claudia: Do you think this is funny?  
  
Derek: I hope I'm thinking about what you think I am.  
  
Claudia: I think you need professional help that's what I think.  
  
Derek: (Pause in confusion.) Well it seems like you've out thunk me. What were we talking about again.  
  
Claudia: You can't treat me like this! And thunk isn't a word, it's thought!  
  
Derek: Ahh yes, (determined) I've thought long and hard  
  
Claudia: (Really mad) THUNK YOU! (Slaps him in the face. He stays unreacting)  
  
Derek: And I have decided…  
  
Claudia: OOOOHHHH!!! (Gets frustrated and leaves)  
  
Derek: (As soon as she is off stage) To ask you to mar… Hey… Claudia? Claudia? Where'd you go? (Holds hand to face) And why does my face burn (Walks off-stage)  
  
Susan: (hands papers back to Bill) OK Bill. There were a few problems I had you're your story. First off I changed Claudia's reasons for leaving Derek. It took me a few tries but it finally worked. I mean come on, the line "Real men don't use electric razors" is corny and no reason for a woman to break up with a man, Bill. Where have you been?   
  
Bill: Yeah, I thought so too, but I didn't know how to make her leave. Is your ending more believable?  
  
Susan: Well it doesn't make sense, but yes it's way more believable.   
  
Bill: OK, well Thanks a lot Susan you've been a big help.  
  
Susan: It's no problem get ups to leave. Oh and by the way, it's Root Beer, not Root Bard.  
  
Bill: Thanks, sorry.   
  
Claudia: (Walks in and slaps Bill) You jerk, you promised me love if I was in your damned story!  
  
Bill: Sorry  
  
Claudia: Oh go Thunk yourself 


End file.
